Part 2 of Lifestyle Change: Set up to fail

After going well over the 200 lbs. mark, I decided that I needed an at-home training program. I was convinced that if I just

• followed the right plan 
• did the right exercise
• ate the right foods

that my body would be well on its way to changing! This is it, I thought. I'm going to do it this time. I made it through 8 of 12 weeks before it became too much of a hassle to stick to. In the short term, I lost 10 pounds, but I felt like a failure because I didn't finish.

I set lots of weight loss goals that I never reached:

• Lose x pounds in so many weeks
• Before I turn 30 I'll lose x pounds
• By the end of the year, I'll lose x pounds
• In the next 6 months...
• Before I turn 35...

There's a pattern here that simply does not work. Setting a date and a weight and expecting that getting there is do or die. If you don't make it, it's demoralizing. If you do, it's not sustainable because now what?

This idea is the top marketing strategy of the fitness industry, and gyms in particular:

• Go three days a week and transform yourself!
• You can lose 12 pounds in 12 weeks with a personal trainer.
• Join our pounds challenge and get a free t-shirt (to advertise for us)

It's a zero sum game, they claim. Just match the calories in with calories out. Cut calories, get active, and you'll succeed.

I was so convinced that if I were just more active, I would lose weight.

Like many people, I was duped by the "get fit" hype. Many people do lose a few pounds after joining a gym. They go three days a week for awhile. Then life gets in the way, while the gyms happily take your monthly dues and your body changes back.

Over the years, I'd gain 10 pounds, lose 10 pounds, back and forth. It all came to a head about a year ago when I could no longer wear my jeans. They were just too tight and I was not going to buy new ones.

All I could fit into were my stretchy gym pants. This led to the "Summer of the Black Pants" and yet another goal: get down to 170 by December 31st.

Part 1 of Lifestyle Change: My relationship with my weight

Losing weight has been my goal for years and years. In high school, I was a varsity athlete and in very good shape, going to the gym regularly and playing softball. I think at my peak condition I was around 140 lbs.

By my second year of college, I had let all physical activity slide. I was no longer active in any capacity, opting instead to stay up late and play video games with my boyfriend and roommate. The pounds started to creep up and I gained about 25 pounds by the end of college besides being totally physically unfit. To be honest, I just blamed microwave pot pies.

After college, I started working full time, got married and my weight kept increasing. It happened so slowly that I really didn't notice until I noticed. My husband thought he would "help" by getting me a gym membership for Christmas 2003. Ha! I didn't go. I didn't want to go. I was sad and stressed and so many other things that I wasn't in a mindset to lose weight. As I hit 200 lbs., I even tried a weight loss program with my mother-in-law. When that didn't work, I blamed the transfats in their food and that the program was not structured for vegetarians.

In 2005 I started learning Taekwondo and did lose some weight. By the end of 2006, after moving to Austin and going through a divorce, I was down to about 175. Then in January 2007 I got laid off, and into a new long-term relationship. From the time I started a new job in April to the end of the year, I gained back around 30 lbs.

My clothes didn't fit. A few months later, the scale topped at 212. I felt like a failure.

Physical Readiness Test

This past weekend, I travelled to Hamilton, Texas, to participate in the physical readiness test portion of the Texas Game Warden selection process. I drove up Saturday night since the test began Sunday at 08:00. It's only two hours away, but I wanted to make sure I got a good night's sleep and wasn't rushing around the morning of the test.

I got to the high school stadium where the test took place at about 07:30 and there were a lot of people already waiting around. I am definitely older than the average applicant but not by a whole lot. By my count, though, there were only 13 women out of the approximately 70 people there. I found out that there had been a test the day before as well and all told, 155 people made it to this stage from the interview stage. Then we were told there are only 14 open positions...

The first part of the test we did was the push-ups, which I was really glad about since it was the portion I was most worried about failing and if I did, at least I could just go on home. They lined us up in five rows by number. (We were known by our number all day; I was 88.) The way they measured if we completed a push-up was with this ingenious little homemade device with a piece of foam and stick that would pop up every time we went low enough for a push-up to count. When we did, the stick would hit the bottom of the hand of the warden counting for us. I wish I had been able to take a picture but since I didn't, I made this drawing to illustrate.

Illustration of a push-up measuring stick

I think my adrenaline was really pumping because I was able to knock out my push-ups pretty easily, 13 in under a minute. I'm very glad I did all that weight training and the interval push-up training; it really paid off. Next, we stayed in our lines and did the same thing for sit-ups. I'm strong in this area so with another applicant holding my feet, I busted out my 21 sit-ups with no problem.

After this, we lined up in two lines sequentially by our numbers to perform the handgun stability test. We used what looked very similar to my dad's .38 revolver that I practiced with. All we had to do was hold the gun barrel with each hand inside a 5" ring and dry fire five times, then lower ourselves to a kneeling position and dry fire five times again, but holding the gun with both hands.

At this point, we lined up in groups of eight to do the 300m sprint. But, before the first group go could, a guy across the field went into cardiac arrest and we found out later that his heart actually stopped. A few people there were trained first responders who ran over to help. He was taken away by ambulance and we were later told he had a known heart condition but his doctor had signed off on his attempting the test.

I was in the third group to sprint and as I expected, I was dead last. But I made it in 1 minute 20 seconds which was faster than my practice sprints by about 20 seconds and within the required 1 minute and 49 seconds. Running on a flat track improved my speed by more than I could have imagined. Running on a street with varied elevations proved to be great training.

Runners at the finish line of the track with game wardens watching

After this, they broke us up into two groups to do the 1.5 mile run. Again, I came in very near last, but I was faster than my practice runs and I was comfortably within the 21 minutes and 36 seconds time limit at just over 18 minutes. One girl and one guy almost didn't make it but we all cheered them on to the finish line. It was cool to see everyone come together like that. They let us wear headphones which was really helpful for me mentally and I was also able to use my GPS time tracking app to know how I was doing.

Running track with six laps highlighted from MapMyFitness

At this point, it was only 10:45. I really just wanted to finish up the test but they told us we were getting a lunch break and wouldn't start the swimming test until 13:00. Ugh... I decided to try and find a geocache or two because I had already decided I wasn't eating. I had only had a granola bar right when I woke up and another granola bar during the break but a full meal seemed like a bad idea. I picked up a sandwich for after, found my geocache, then hung out in the park near the pool until 12:30 when they let us in to change.

I am so glad my last name is at the front of the alphabet because they were only able to have four people swim at a time and we had up to five minutes to complete the test—poor number 155. And if you failed, you had to wait until the end to retry. I got in the pool to warm up and see how it was to turn around the in the shallow part; not easy. I was in the fourth group to swim and did sidestroke the whole way (three laps), finishing easily.

So, I passed! That felt really good given that I trained pretty hard to make it happen. It was great to drive back to Austin with that accomplishment, no matter what happens after this. Next, we're supposed to be contacted about our background check so it's just a game of wait and see as I don't have any control over what happens from here on out.

Week Three Update

I missed posting a week two update and am a little late on week three but I have good news! I got the letter today saying I made it past the interview stage for the game warden cadet position and am moving on to the physical fitness test. I'm delighted and terrified at the same time since I still can't do 13 real push-ups, but I found a strength program that I've been doing in addition to the 100 push-ups regimen. The cool thing is, it is very similar to what I was already doing, only it alternates working the primary muscles three days a week (shoulders, triceps, chest) with the opposing muscles on the between days (biceps and back). I'm already feeling stronger.

The other good thing is that I realized I was cheating myself of 10 seconds when timing my sprint. For some reason I had converted 109 seconds to 1 minute 39 seconds instead of 49 seconds and those extra 10 seconds help a lot. I've also started doing my sprinting along the same route that I'm doing my running just to save time. Last Saturday, I performed the entire fitness test (minus the handgun piece) in just under an hour. I have two more weeks to get fitter and stronger as I have to do the real test on the 22nd in Hamilton, Texas. I've also lost six pounds during these three weeks in part to increased activity but also because I have been watching my diet and avoiding cheese, caffeine, artificial sweeteners and just counting calories in general. It's not as hard as it seems and I find I don't have many cravings.

Proper Running Shoes

Okay, so I've been running now for about two weeks and I'm starting to get some hip and foot pain. I think this is due to my current sneakers not being real running shoes. I only got them for going to the gym and doing classes like turbo kick and zumba, not for running several miles each week. Today I decided to visit a running shoe store, one where they know about proper support and cushioning and somewhere with a treadmill and video camera for checking my pronation.

I ended up going to a store called the Texas Running Company located in the Gateway shopping center off 360 and working with a nice guy named Shawn. Sure enough, he had me run on a treadmill and it was fascinating seeing my gate. I kept going back and forth thinking I was an overpronater then an underpronater and as it turns out, I overpronate on my left side only so that's why it was hard for me to tell what's going on. He had me try on several different brands to see what felt best and I decided on the Saucony Hurricane 14. They have lots of cushioning which is apparently good since I'm heavier and they are one of the shoes Runner's World suggested to me (only they suggested the 13).

Hurricane 14 running shoes

I'm excited to take them out on Monday (since I already ran today and Sunday is my rest day). I'm hopeful that they will feel a lot better and improve my stride.

Week 2 of Training

Okay so I flaked out Monday and Tuesday and didn't workout. My body was tired and I ended up going to bed early both nights and sleeping a lot. I am trying not to overdo it too quickly but I also need to keep up my pace so that I keep getting stronger. Of course, I think I overdid it today.

I got up and it was raining but I still wanted to run outside; I really can't stand the treadmill. It actually didn't rain on me and I had my best time yet with 1.58 miles in the time allotted! That's an average pace of 13:58 minutes per mile, sweet. I hope that number just keeps improving.

After running, I went to the fitness center to start upper body training. I did three sets of bench presses with free weights; three sets of bicep curls; three sets of triceps curls and three sets of rows for the back. I also did three sets of dips to further build up my triceps. This evening, I went back to go to Zumba class and got there about 18:00 because sometimes our instructor is there early doing pilates but she wasn't, so I did more weight lifting.

I weighed myself after class and was down to 195. I'm sure some of that is water weight but awesome, I'm already going down. I just have to keep working at it and eating well. Wes and I went to Souper Salad for a date night and I had a pretty awesome salad with all the things I like and then treated myself to one of their gingerbread squares. Yum!

Running without Stopping

Woohoo! Today for the first time and only five days into training I ran the full time and full distance without stopping or walking at all. I feel quite proud about that. I went a total of 1.56 miles in 22:00 (that includes several seconds that it takes for me to put away my iPhone and pull it out again to stop the timer) and I had an average speed of 14:06 per mile so getting close to 14:00.

My dad was asking me if there is any bonus for finishing faster and I don't think that there is. At this point, I just want to pace myself to where I pass comfortably but don't blow it out because I will have to have energy remaining to do all the parts of the fitness test since it's all done in one day. I'm also not sure how long you get for the entire test. As I get better a running consistently the entire time and getting faster, I will also start to run for longer so that when I only have to run for 21:36, it will feel easier.

I made it around the lake once and then around to the corner where the path goes away from the river (I realize that doesn't mean much to you, the reader, but it's a good benchmark for me). I should mention too that I have been running this path clockwise and would like to be able to make two full laps at some point in the time frame. I walked back the rest of the way to the house to cool down.

I went around twice but stopped running at the red arrow on the second pass.

First Full Run

I'm down at my parents' house this weekend and I got up early to go running with my dad (well at the same time as my dad and the dogs) around my parents' lake. I ran the entire first lap without stopping and only did so in order to pause the MapMyFitness app to see how far it is around the lake. My dad thought it was 0.75 miles but it's actually 0.94 miles. I then continued running until my timer went off again and walked the rest of the way back to the house.

Loop Around the Lake

I also did my sit-ups today but did them outside in the grass and got covered in burrs, lovely. My dad ran the opposite direction as me and wasn't totally kicking my ass so that was nice (he is a lifelong runner). Later on we talked and he looked at my shoes and suggested I try to find some better running ones if I plan to continue doing this. He also said that from what he's read about push-up training, it's best to do every other day to give your muscle a chance to rest and grow.

Running in the Morning is so Much Better

I went out about 07:30 today and it was pretty nice, though muggy since it is almost summer in Central Texas. I tried doing some push-ups and completed my sit-ups before running. I think I will start doing some sort of upper body training Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays with ab work Tuesdays and Thursdays in addition to the other workout stuff I do.

I went the full 1.5 miles today in 22:17 which is an average pace of 14:51 minutes per mile. I need to get this down to 14 at least. I ran longer but still wasn't able to run for the full time. I really like using the MapMyFitness app because I can see exactly where and how far I went and in what amount of time. I am also able to re-do the same route over and over to see how I improve.

This route is good because it has some elevation changes to help challenge me. Since I know my exact halfway point of 0.75 miles, what I've been doing is setting my wristwatch timer to 10:48 (half of 21:36) and seeing if I can make it there before it goes off. Getting closer!

Elevation Change in my Training Route

My First Run

Ugh! That was very difficult but I have mapped out a 1.5 mile training route and will attempt to do that in 21:36 and to run the entire time. I went out in the heat of the day to do this for the first time and I think that was a bad idea. I will do all my running in the morning!

According to my fitness program, it took me about 22:10 to go 1.47 miles (I actually need to make it to that cross street for 1.5 miles) and I had to walk a lot. But hey, it's a start and I got out there. Tonight I'll be going to yoga. I'm also back to watching what I eat more closely. I usually have a pretty good diet but I tend to overeat at night and to indulge in sweets. I am also going to avoid cheese since it's so bad for you (if you eat it a lot like I do) and because I have been trying to have a more vegan diet but cheese is like my Achilles's heel.

Training Route for Running

The good news is, I can do 21 sit-ups with no problem. The bad news is, I can't do a push-up to save my life. I am going to have to research how to improve my upper body strength or I'm flat out going to fail. I don't think they let the women to "girl" push-ups (from the knees) or at least I don't think they should.

Revisiting my Blog

Wow, I was in Blogger the other day for something else and looked back over some old stuff I'd done and had pretty much forgotten about this blog. But I am going to bring it back because I have something to write about and it is again fitness-related just like the last set of posts I did here almost four years ago.

Interestingly, I am at the same weight as my last post here: 198 lbs. That is after going down to about 184 two years ago and staying at that weight for over a year. But life, stress, grad school and work got the better of me and I gained again. You really can tell when your pants are too tight!

Something else of note is that I have applied to be a Texas Game Warden which is a law enforcement position with a physical fitness requirement, one I cannot yet reach. I might not even make it to that stage since I first have to pass an interview, but I need to start training now if I have any hope of completing the requirements which are as follows:

• 21 sit-ups in one minute
• 13 push-ups in one minute
• 1.5 mile run in no more than 21 minutes 36 seconds
• 300 meter run in no more than 109 seconds
• a handgun stability test involving dry fire of a revolver; five consecutive trigger pulls with each hand from a standing position while holding the barrel inside a 5 inch ring, five consecutive pulls inside a 5 inch ring while holding the firearm in both hands from an unsupported kneeling position
• swim test: an applicant must fall backwards in the water and remain afloat for 30 seconds, then swim 100 meters without assistance or rest in no more than 5 minutes

Some of those, like the handgun stability test I have no clue about and will need to research. Others, I need to figure out just where I stand fitness-wise. Today I started down this road to better health. On Wednesdays, I try to go to Zumba class at my apartment complex and following that, I ran for five minutes on the treadmill at about 4.5 mph which is what I need to do to meet the time requirement. It was hard! Tomorrow, I will try running (or at least going) 1.5 miles and see how long it takes me.

BFL Week 8 Update

I gained back 1.5 pounds this week putting me at 198 even. The program has taken a serious downturn. Due to recurring back pain, I did not complete a single workout during week eight (I went to TKD once and played softball). I did stick to the eating routine but we did not cook dinner even once during week eight either. I'm sure we ended up getting more calories than needed despite trying to make healthy food choices. Eating out is just nearly impossible to do in an entirely healthy manner, whether it's extra salt and butter on vegetables or bread made without whole grains. It's really quite frustrating because we've started to feel overwhelmed by just how much time it takes to cook and clean up every night, plus get food ready for the next day. Eating out is just, well, easier.

BFL Week 5 Update

Well the trend of losing weight on odd numbered weeks continues. I lost 2.5 pounds this week, bringing me below 200 again to 197.5. My progress is going a bit slower than I had anticipated. I'll need to lose 3 pounds to be down 15 at the halfway point (my goal is 30 pounds of fat loss during the program).

I had the actualization this week that my work on my body is just beginning. Even if I meet my weight loss goal during the program, I'll still have another ~35 pounds to lose just to be inside the "normal" range of my calculated BMI. Right now, I'm still easily in the obese range (which is still very hard for me to get my mind around). But I also have to remind myself that I put on these last forty pounds over the year prior to starting the program so it's not unrealistic to expect that it will take that long to get those plus the other 25 pounds off!

I've also started to really take note of just how many fat people are all around. It is of no surprise at all to me that the majority of Americans are overweight. While we're eating our turkey sandwiches at the mall, we look around and take note of what and how much the other people are eating and it's so unhealthy. Our society needs to learn portion control! And as one person put it to me, we need to grasp that food is fuel for our body, not a means to happiness, enjoyment or pleasure. Learning that has been part of my process as well because I was definitely a pleasure eater.

The other thing to note is just how badly we seem to feel on our free days. It's nice knowing we have one day a week we can eat anything we want but the desire to eat lots of bad stuff isn't really there and when we do eat poorly, we feel rundown and tired. And we eat so much less than we would have before. We almost always split any meal at a restaurant and even then it's usually too much food.

We missed our first workout of the program this week, sleeping in on Tuesday and not doing our aerobics training. I had fully planned to workout in the evening but we decided to play games with some friends instead. I don't feel too badly about it; real life happens, we just can't make skipping the norm! We also did not have TKD this week as the school was closed.

BFL Week 4 Update

Gained half a pound this week...I sure hope it's muscle! That puts my weight at the end of week four at 200 lbs. I did some research on average daily nutrition intake and this is what I figured out for an approximate day:

• Calorie intake: 1700 - that's 85% of the USDA recommended 2000
• Fat intake: 37.6 grams - that's 56% of the USDA recommended 67 grams
• Carb intake: 225.9 grams - that's 78% of the USDA recommended 289 grams
• Protein intake: 152.3 grams - that's 305% of the USDA recommended 50 grams

So you can see, this diet is attempting to replace a lot of the normal fat and carb calories with protein instead, which should be building lots of muscle given that we're lifting weights three times each week.

Something I was wondering about is how fiber factors into all of this. Of those ~ 230 grams of daily carbs we're intaking, around 38.5 of them are grams of fiber. But US nutrition labels don't include calories from fiber in their total calorie totals. However other countries, like Canada, do. So by Canadian standards, our total calorie count should be 154 calories higher. The argument for not including these calories is that we don't actually digest fiber. But that seems to apply only to insoluble fiber. We do apparently digest soluble fiber like that found in fruits and vegetables.

On the exercise side of things, my legs took a beating this week! We had two days of lower body lifting, three days of aerobics on the stationary bike and two nights of TKD. My legs were screaming for a break by the weekend. And in class, I was having a hard time keeping strong stances because my muscles just felt so weak. I also played softball on Wednesday and wasn't feeling at my best, a bit sluggish with all the crouching and standing but just running felt pretty good.

BFL Week 3 Update

Bam! 21 days down, 63 to go. This week's weigh in was a little more promising with me dropping below the 200 mark with a reading of 199.5 pounds. And, I did something active every day this week. I played softball yesterday evening and actually felt good running around instead of sluggish and tired. I also made it into TKD twice and plan to keep going on Tuesdays and Thursdays. My welcome back on Tuesday included a broken board to the right eye and nice bruise, so that was fun. Sparring on Thursday was rusty but I didn't get overly tired or feel like I couldn't make it through class.

Food-wise, we're keeping steady on track every day. We did cheat on Monday evening and ate the four remaining chocolate-covered strawberries since they were expiring but I don't feel badly about that. The one funky thing that's happening is being able to get in all six meals on Saturday. This is the second week in a row we've missed one and it's really due to getting up later on Saturdays. We also ended up working out after we'd already eaten meal one. But I have been making notice of when I feel like eating something because it would make me feel better and I'm trying to be aware of those feelings and work on changing my behavior towards food specifically around that perceived need to eat. I rarely feel hungry!

BFL Week 2 Update

I sure hope I'm in the "building muscle" phase already because I went from losing seven pounds last week to gaining one pound this week! That's right, my weight sits at 203.5 pounds after 13 days. I'm hoping, too, that it being my time of the month has something to do with it. And I should also note, I didn't even cheat on the diet part all week unless you count a single chocolate-covered strawberry at 12:01am of my free day (that's today).

Cost for food on this program is definitely less overall than eating out every day of the week and I'm sure the total cost is even less when you factor in electricity/time for cooking. It takes around 45 minutes to prep dinner and do the dishes afterwards. It takes about another 15 minutes to prepare all our daily meals the night before.

The exercise half is going well too. It hasn't been as horrible getting up at 7am every day as I anticipated. Sure, I feel tired and would love to go back to sleep but after about 10 minutes, I wake up. Once we start the day's exercise routine, it's all good from there. No serious injuries to date and the muscles all seem to be adapting well. Next week, the plan is to return to doing TKD on Tuesdays and Thursdays!

BFL Week 1 Update

Today is day 7 (and a free day) on the Body-for-LIFE program. We weighed in this morning and I've lost 7 pounds in week one, down to 202.5. It wasn't as hard to stay on track as I thought it might be. I had temptations, like a Friday happy hour, but I just drank iced tea and enjoyed the conversation.

We did decide to make an alteration to the rules: We're allowing ourselves to drink after 9PM on the day before a free day. So for example, free day this week is Sunday so we drank a couple of beers last night during a movie. If we were to only drink on the free day, we wouldn't really get to have a night out since we plan to have free day on Sunday whenever possible. However, since we are drinking the night before the free day, we also agreed to stop drinking by 9PM on the free day.

The dinners were really tasty and it was pretty easy cooking each night, although Wes has taken the lion's share of that responsibility mostly because he enjoys cooking.

I'm still trying to get used to the time constraints of the program: Getting up much earlier; going to bed earlier; getting all our food prepped the night before; figuring out how to fit dinner in and still have time to do other stuff in the evenings.

The working out part was very brutal the first couple of days; I was constantly in pain. But that seems to have passed as I get used to moving my muscles again. Next week, I think I'll start going to TKD again but we'll see. I don't want to bite off more than I can chew.

We've started the Body-for-LIFE program

Today we finally started the Body-for-LIFE program after months of saying we would; today is day 1 of 84. My starting weight was 209.5 pounds. I was really planning on posting my "before" pictures but after seeing them, I decided I am honestly too embarrassed. Particularly with my "behind" photo, I didn't realize I looked that bad. I knew I felt bad but it's easy to cover up in clothes and ignore the reality. It's not so easy to ignore the fat bulging over your underwear against the glare of a white wall and camera flash!

We're simplifying the eating portion as much as possible, eating the same first five meals each day:

1. 3 egg whites; 1 slice whole wheat toast; 1 apple
2. protein shake; non-fat yogurt cup
3. fat-free turkey sandwich on whole wheat bread; 1/2 tomato; spinach leaves
4. protein bar
5. 1 apple; 2 low-fat string cheese sticks

Meal 6 (dinner) will vary each day and those recipes are coming out of a book complementary to this program called Eating-for-LIFE. As someone who has never regularly cooked in her entire life, this is the most intimidating part for me. But the recipes seem easy enough and we did all the shopping for the week yesterday. Costs for food on this plan for two people for one week is around $120. I will post a real breakdown of everything we purchase for a week and associated costs when that gets all worked out after a few weeks.

Only 83 days to go! :)